Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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