The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
