You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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