i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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