I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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