i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
