i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
