Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
