I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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