i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
