I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
