New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
