I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
