can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
40s are totally the cure
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
