Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
