i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize