I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
