Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
