she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
