my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
