we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
