I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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