You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
