I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
