So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
