Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
where are my pants?
in the oven.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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