cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
