I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
