Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
