you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
