After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
