First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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