I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
