i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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