and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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