it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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