Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
