Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
