He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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