That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i out mim tonsoeep
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