I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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