If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
