I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
