Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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