All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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