I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
