if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
