my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I intend to get homeless drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
