Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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