it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
