I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
