I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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