nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
