scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
