oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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