Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
