Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
