im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
