Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
