FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
