you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
