Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
