then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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