my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
