? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize