I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
