I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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