Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
