I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize